It’s been quite a while since I posted any new material on
this blog, but I’m back and have plenty to share. For a while, I took a little break from any
surrogacy activity, because I just felt the need. In addition, our family had a little bit of
unexpected drama involving Doogs, our oldest daughter. She is doing fine, but Hubby has spent a fair
amount of time in family court trying to get custody. Tons of fun - I can assure you. But despite all of this, like a moth to a
flame, and I can’t be kept away from surrogacy.
Those of you who know my story understand that I am deeply committed to
this and feel called to help a family secure the greatest blessing of all – the
gift of Life. Late last year I met such
a family, and that’s why I’m back at the keyboard sharing the news!
The Meeting
I contacted the Agency and said I wanted to see if they had
anyone that they thought would be a good fit for me. Understand that undertaking this journey can
involve those that consider this a highly impersonal business transaction, and
those who see this as a deeply personal life-long friendship. As you might imagine, that’s just one
dimension of compatibility, there are many others to consider such as moral,
religious, general rapport, legal stipulations, physical proximity, etc. The Agency has a good feel for where Hubby
and I stand on most of these issues, so they take that into consideration
before having us meet anyone. They did a
fantastic job, I must say. I can say this
because after Hubby and I met them, we felt that we didn’t need to see any
other couple – we were ready to roll.
Personally, I prayed on this decision before making any snap decision –
even though we left our meeting feeling pretty connected. But I’ve skipped over the details of the
meeting – so let me get to it. The
meeting was set for November 9th ,2014. Hubby was in an interesting mood because this
was right around Election Day, and he is a news junkie and he has very definite
political leanings (but he keeps them to himself generally). We dropped off the kids at my mother’s house
and headed down to the OC (that’s Orange County for you non-Californians out
there). Before we headed out, we re-read
the couple’s profile. The Agency provides
a profile of each couple to aid in the matching process. Here’s what we knew about Ken and Barbie (as
you know we never use real names in this blog) in advance of the meeting. Ken and Barbie actually have a daughter of
their own, code-named Bows. Bows is a
beautiful little girl of about 18 months.
Bows is their blessing but she came at great cost – because Barbie very
nearly lost her life during the C-Section/delivery. Because of this, Ken and Barbie’s Dr. has
told them that under no circumstances should Barbie become pregnant again, the
risks are life-threatening. We also
knew, from the profile, that Ken and Barbie seemed to share similar religious
beliefs. Hubby and I never considered
that a requirement, but it is a bonus in our eyes - since it naturally lends itself
to agreement on many other issues. At
any rate, we knew going in that we had some affinity with them, but there’s no substitute
for a personal meeting. At our meeting,
Barbie recounted her journey in greater detail.
Because their story is so compelling, it was one of those meetings where
you leave it feeling as if you were hypnotized/mesmerized and all the mental
bullet points you meant to address just flew out the window. Despite our mass hypnosis, though, we picked
up on things that made us feel even more comfortable with Ken and Barbie. Some of these are difficult to put into
words, but let me try a bit. Recall that
we have pretty strong religious (and even political!) beliefs. One might think that this translates into
being general sticks-in-the-mud, devoid of humor, and frowning at the
world. This is NOT us. And this is not Ken and Barbie. Their demeanor and interactions show that
they have a love for the world and one another, and have a quirky sense of
humor. We feel that their outlook on
things closely matches ours, and this is important. This is important, not just because we will
be partners on this journey (although that’s probably the primary consideration). But Hubby and I also feel that we have a
responsibility to evaluate each couple’s fitness as parents. I can imagine that many will disagree with
this sentiment, and say that this is none of our business. And while this is true to some extent, it is
also true that we want to feel that what we are doing is Good. Trust me when I say that we’ve met and talked
to a variety of surrogates, and there are many intended parents that we would
describe as “sketchy”. After meeting Ken
and Barbie, though, we really felt like this couple was a perfect fit. I called the Agency, and told them that we
didn’t really need to see any other couples.
Again we can’t really put into words or properly characterize the ways
in which we made our decision. But there
are subtle things that you observe about a couple that make you feel at ease
with them – and we were both getting that same vibe…which is probably why our
pre-planned “bullet points” quickly took second fiddle to the more meaningful
real-life observation and conversation.
To put it simply, we found that Ken and Barbie were not plastic, they’re
REAL people! Before I conclude this
section, it should be noted that Ken and Barbie will be reading this blog. We talked to them about it in advance, so
they are fully aware that I’ll be writing about our journey. I think that’s fantastic, except for one
little thing. I don’t fancy myself a
great writer, and never have. This blog
is really more of an outlet for me, and not a showcase of my prowess with the
written word. Truth be told, I’ve always
been pretty critical of my writing because it generally, um, stinks. But guess who just happens to have a Bachelor’s
degree in English? That’s right,
Ken. Oh, great….no pressure now! So here I am agonizing over this, deciding
that I’ll just be open and honest about my feelings on this so that Ken will
call off his grammar-dogs…and what does Hubby do? He reminds me that Barbie is a Psych major,
and that she’ll psychoanalyze me for admitting I have this English-Professor-paranoia. He does this with a sheepish grin, because he
delights in such button-pushing.
Jerk! Then he starts saying “This
will go down on your permanent record”, which is a lyric from an old Violent
Femmes song. He knows this bugs me so he
just kind of repeats it with a little maniacal laugh. He really fancies himself a comic, which is
nice, since nobody else does.
The Transfer
A few months have passed since our initial meeting. In that time, we worked out the legal
agreements and the medication calendar and all sorts of other details that I’ll
spare the reader. It is now February and
the embryo transfer is upon us. Barbie
has 3 frozen embryos that she had frozen a while back. The decision is made to transfer 2 of those
embryos. This seems like a reasonable
choice, since doing all 3 would probably be risky. Barbie is a little bit worried that the
quality could be compromised during the thawing process, since that does happen
from time to time. The transfer is set
for February 13th at 12:15pm.
The surgery center where the procedure will take place is in
Encino. Hubby takes the day off of work
so that he can drive me home and tend to the kiddos for the next few days while
I go on bed rest. I had my Netflix queue
already prepared, and my DVD selection all picked out. I especially love the Colin Firth version (is
it BBC or A&E?) of Pride and Prejudice.
It is very long (like 6 hours) and it isn’t very often that I have the
free time to just relax and watch movies so I’ll take my opportunity. One thing that I don’t find relaxing is LA
traffic. Since the procedure will take
place in Encino on a Friday before Valentine’s Day, we are pretty certain that
we’ll get ensnared in the rush. This is
none of my concern really, though, since I am prescribed a single Valium pill
for the procedure. I’m kind of a
lightweight so I’ll be feeling very nice, traffic be damned! On the way there, Hubby starts up with one of
his weird jokes. It has something to do
with unfreezing the embryos, and the procedure being in Encino, and how this is
just like the movie Encino Man. What? He
must’ve been pretty proud of himself because every once in a while he’d murmur
it again, under his breath, and just laugh a little. I’m still not sure if he did this just to try
to put me at ease, or if he genuinely thought it was funny. I hope it is the former but fear it is the
latter. Anyhow, we arrive a bit early
because we had allotted time for traffic.
That being the case, we stopped in at IHOP nearby and had some
pancakes. At this point, I began
seriously pounding the water because I’m supposed to be well-hydrated for the
procedure. Once we are fully satiated,
we leave IHOP for the surgery center.
While we are waiting FOREVER by the elevator, we see Ken and Barbie
arrive. They look excited, and so are
we. They put Bows into a stroller, and meet
up with us at the elevator - which finally opens, as if on cue. Ken, pushing the stroller, leaves us for a
while to take Bows over to a nearby coffee shop. They have a friend waiting there who has
agreed to watch Bows while the transfer takes place. During his absence, we chit-chat in the
waiting room. This is when we are told
the “spider” story. Ken and Barbie have
a favorite joke that they like to retell whenever they are in a seemingly
stressful medical appointment. This puts
them at ease, so we invite them to share it with us. It is a peculiar little joke that resonates
with us, because it is that particular kind of humor that not everyone would
find funny, but we do. This is just one
more indication that our matching was a good one. Right about this time, Presley shows up. Presley is from the Agency, and is there
because this appointment is “important”.
Ken and Barbie have never met Presley, so her presence there seemed a
bit odd. But it worked great, because
she kept Hubby company during the procedure.
The room where the transfer happens is fairly small, so there wouldn’t
be enough room for all of us in there.
It seemed only natural that Ken and Barbie should be the ones in the
room, since after all this is their little miracle we are working on. Before the procedure, we prayed for a
successful outcome. The first hurdle to
overcome was the thawing process as I mentioned earlier. Thankfully everything went according to plan,
and the embryos looked great. That being
the case, 2 embryos are implanted. I
rest a bit, and at this point Hubby and Presley are allowed into the room. After about 15 minutes, we are all clear to
leave. Ken and Barbie are slated to
leave to Mammoth to take their minds off things, and I head home to relax and
let Hubby run the show. This brings us
to today, February 22nd.
Tomorrow is a HUGE day. Tomorrow
morning I go in for a blood draw to see if we have pregnancy confirmation. We will probably have to wait until the
afternoon to hear results. I expect tomorrow
will be the longest day, waiting for the news.
I can’t imagine how tough it must be for Ken and Barbie. Hubby and I are on pins and needles for them. Hubby (news junkie) is reading one of his websites,
and they explain how Feb 22nd, 1980 is the date of the famous “Miracle
on Ice” between the U.S. and Russian skate teams. Is this a sign? Who knows, but we’ll know more tomorrow….stay
tuned for my next post!
